falling in love and the (nearly) inevitable heartbreak that will (almost certainly) follow

being bi in a straight world

I’m excited to fall in love again and again. It’s been years since I’ve fallen in love with a man and months since I’ve fallen in with a woman. They are such different kinds of love.

Falling in love with a woman is like sipping from an ice cold glass of water you discovered on your bedside table at 3am. It’s easy, falling in love with your best friend. It feels natural and comforting and safe. Consciously, though not the first time, I fell in love with a woman several months ago. I can only describe the connection as magic. It was beautiful and heart opening. I felt connected to another person in a way I never have before. It was natural, the universe laughed in flowers and glitter because it was so natural.

I’ve always known i would end up with a woman as my primary partner. I’ve been saying it to my family since i was in college. I knew I liked girls since I was 7.

Allowing myself, with her unwavering help and guidance, to fully accept myself and allow my heart to love another woman, opening it up freely, healed part of me I didn’t know were broken. she gave me freedom and space to be. when I looked at her I saw the divine feminine manifested in her physical form. Magic is the only word I can use to describe it.

Falling in love with a man is so different. As much of my inner world has been dedicated to women, so much of my external body and heart have been dedicated to men. Falling in love with a man requires a different kind of safety and a fair dose of throwing caution to the wind. Men are easy to navigate, love clearly explained in our daily lives.

The masculine tickles my feminine. I love the surrender that comes with falling in love with a man. The trust between me, him and the universe. The ability to be soft and strong and held nonetheless. To be be held physically and emotionally. Falling in love with a man is sweet like honey. They are gentle and kind and share their sweetness in a precious, nearly hidden, way.

And yet, heartbreak feels the same. When you have so much love in your heart, to love deeply, you create an infinite amount of space for heartbreak. Hearts can’t tell the difference between a man and a woman. The butterflies flutter, my heart pounds in my chest, I laugh, I cry, I dance, I open myself up fully and my heart doesn’t know (or care) which gender broke it. In the end time heals all wounds.

To be worshipped is to be seen fully. And I’ve been worshipped by both. There isn’t a better or worse option and that’s the beauty of being bi. A gift from the gods and goddesses.

You see love is magical. being seen and to see another is alchemy of the heart. Two hearts converging, inner thoughts shared, souls bared, separation. Love is always worth it, in spite of the (nearly) inevitable heartbreak.