from backup dancer to the lead role

speaking up, imposter syndrome, authenticity

When does life begin to feel authentic? Is there a moment when I put my work into the world and think “yes this is totally, authentically me?” Will I feel imposter syndrome forever?

Imposter syndrome, the constant feeling that you are pretending to be something you’re not (and never will be), doing a horrible job and everyone in your professional life knows you are a failure and a fraud. At some point it morphs into inauthenticity, contouring itself into something that goes against your values, your vibe, you. Comparing yourself to others. Feeling overwhelmed and unvalued and somehow you know that it’s not really you.

There is no world where I put myself out there- even a little bit- and feel completely incapable of success. Intrinsically, I knew I could succeed and that is why I tried in the first place. Why I applied the first time, why I sent that cold DM, emailed double follow-ups. I believed in myself and somewhere on that journey I lost my way. Started comparing myself to others, questioning my skills, convincing myself that -in spite of my lived experiences- they (I) was invalid. Those experiences and jobs and connections and people all meant nothing.

Typing it out is sad.

So here and now (here yee, here yee) that it be decreed in all our hearts that I’m D O N E - done baby. Because I lived all those experiences, everyday was a lesson and a ritual. A practice in growing and showing up for myself. I got the job or made the connection or found a friend or taught a new skill because I am capable, I have the skills and the experience. And all of things make me a great writer, a storyteller, guider, friend and lover. No more will I be doubting myself (at least trying my best, showing up everyday and doing my darndest) to do all the things I said I would.

Chase my dreams, follow my heart, live in alignment with my highest self.